War of worlds: Apple fanboys vs haters

Apple fanboys vs haters

Had a little heated conversation a few days ago with a good friend of mine who has recently migrated from iPhone/iPad zealot to Samsung territory. The same guy who used to brag about how his iPhone 4S provided everything he needed (and how happy he was with that and how it changed his life) was trying to convince me that his Galaxy Note II is way superior to my iPhone 5, even though he does know how and for what i use my smartphone.  To be fair though, he only barely mentioned the whole iPad vs Galaxy Note 10.1 thing. Which means his brain is still working. There might still be hope for him.

Do not worry George, a new post is on it's way and it will try to explain to you (and everyone else who may (hopefully) be interested) why the iPhone 5 is still the best cellphone money can buy. Our whole debate (over WhatsApp for Christ's sake - we need to be locked in permanently) brought to my mind the Apple fanboy and hater stereotypes though, on which i will try to elaborate right away.

Fanboys

Yes, there is lemma for that. These are the people who would remortgage their house or stop eating out (or at all) in order to be able to have the latest Apple offering. There have been noted extreme cases of people offering their kidney for an iPad or negotiating their virginity for an iPhone. But please let's stay sane for the time being. 

Definition: A loyal fanboy as a soldier of Apple, (s)he has taken the oath to always buy stuff Apple sells and never look elsewhere. Sometimes the fanboys/girls are clever people, sometimes they are fashion victims, sometimes they are just trapped within the damned "Apple ecosystem". 

Details: They are the people you show the latest android smartphone flagship to and they are not willing to even start doubting Apple. They just hold it in their hands like Eve did the apple before biting into it. And then they give it back, because they can resist all other temptations since they already have the apple. Get it?

How to discern them: They are very easily spotted and the reason is very simple: They want to be seen. Ever noticed the complacent smile after they open the lid of their beloved Macbook Air? Or the way they are trying to count how many heads turned when they are flashing their iPhone 5 out of their pockets while waiting in the subway station? Do the mating attraction technics gorillas use come to mind? 

Territory: Trendy spots are their thing. Everything from cocktail bars to art installations, from ski resorts to Facebook rebel/warrior meet up places. The highest concentration of Apple fanboys may be found in Starbucks. 

Haters

If only i could get a cent of a Euro for every Apple hater (see this guy, here) i know. I would be rich man instantly and then have an indefinite unpaid leave from work and travel all around the world and of course sleep late tomorrow morning. 

Definition: The hater is a fairly straightforward kind of person. (S)he may be smart, funny, caring husband/spouse, good parent, valuable partner in work, a passionate lover even. That is until (s)he spots an Apple branded smth or the Apple brand is dropped into conversation. That is when the hater changes/goes berserk, putting even the  mightiest Alpha male werewolf shape shifter to shame (full moon is not mandatory though it sure is nice to have - adds a cinema like quality to the scene if you see what i mean). (S)he starts trembling, eyes grow bigger, verbal abuse is quite frequent, spittle is forming in the mouth, even cases of actual physical assault have been reported.

Details: The hater will never reach out and touch or (to make matters even worse) hold an iPhone. The hater has brainwashed (lobotomy is another possibility) himself for so long that he would not admit that the iPad is by far the best (the only one worth using - one might add) tablet even if his own survival was at stake. 

How to discern them: They are quite good at disguising themselves, so beware. Always perform the bellow test when in doubt: Throw towards them (not in an offensive action - a provoked hater may be dangerous) an iPhone and see if they just stare at you while the device crashes onto the pavement. If they can defy normal human physiology and control their reflexes to that extreme point they sure qualify as true haters. Also note that a strong statistical correlation has been found to exist between long haired males and Apple hating individuals.

Territory: Technical universities are hot spots, as well as corporate IT departments. Rock bars/clubs and alternative stages seem to also be their thing.

Warning

If you do not identify with one of the above categories, please try your best to keep it that way. It has been proven that individuals who keep their options open (regarding Apple products, that is) tend to make better choices of cellphones, tablets, computers and other electronic devices. They are rumoured to be living off better lives as well.